This may not come as a shock to people who know me, but for those who don’t, the saying “he calls me beautiful like it’s my name” does not apply to me. I know a few people will get into their feelings about this post but this is my blog and my thoughts. I’m not writing this for them. I’m not writing this to throw shade, hints or for someone to stop doing what they would normally do. I just merely want to express my thoughts on telling me I’m beautiful versus calling me beautiful in place of my name.

I am a different breed. Common or trendy things don’t impress me. Simplicity and uniqueness does. I went to my text messages and I searched the word “beautiful”. It was found over 600 times. My name was found 300 and 75% of those were confirmation messages about appointments from automated systems.

What’s my point? To me, the word beautiful is overused and has lost a lot of its meaning. I am guilty of using it while talking to other women in hopes of complimenting them or trying to change the narrative of women not giving other women credit where it’s due. Ex. “Happy birthday Beautiful” or “thanks Beautiful.” Then I realized how redundant and meaningless it became, so I started to be more specific, “Your hair looks beautiful” or “that dress looks great on you” or “you look so beautiful today.” How can I expect people to change if I don’t apply the same requirements to myself?

When I was younger, the girls were impressed when a guy called them beautiful. This was usually in a club setting or wherever there was a large crowd. It didn’t impress me then because hearing a guy call the girl he just tried to talk to before me beautiful, then when she either gave in or rejected him, myself or the next girl was greeted with beautiful also.

Granted we are all beautiful. We love to be called beautiful in those times when we may not feel the prettiest. Most of us already know that we are beautiful and not only physically/externally but internally. Calling me by my name is a rarity. There are a million + people who get called beautiful daily. How many people are called Angela or Lovely or Exquisite or Radiant? Beautiful has become so basic it’s almost an insult to me that more effort wasn’t put into finding a different word to describe me.

I’m not ungrateful that someone thinks that I am beautiful. I appreciate the compliment and I appreciate them recognizing the beauty that I possess. I also appreciate someone thinking enough of me to not call me what they have called others or what they may currently call others. Most people will say that this was way too deep and/or that I am picky. Don’t get it twisted, I love the word beautiful and I don’t mind being told that I look beautiful at times but I don’t need to hear it every day nor do I need it to be my new name. I love my name Angela more because it’s mine and because everyone is beautiful but not everyone is Angela. 

Originally written August 9, 2018

Dear Past,

This week’s podcast episode is centered around the PAST. We all have one and these are my thoughts on it. I’m speaking from a personal level about the past an how it affects your life and your relationships. I am 100% sure that I will revisit this topic when I have a co-host on the podcast because I believe that this is a topic that requires multiple points of views. But today, I’m being biased and just going to give my thoughts and opinions. Listen to the new episode here!

I have been wanting to talk about this topic for a while but just like with most of the episodes I do, I wait until the spirit moves me. So the past, memes, movies, thoughts and so many others things have been heavy on me so I figured it was high time to talk about it.

The past in the perspective of a person and who they are and how they are: I have spent many episodes talking about how my childhood made me and many others who we are. I believe that most of that is also choice driven. I made choices to be the opposite of what I saw as a child that was not right to me. I made the choice to break generational curses. I acknowledged what I could remember as a child and decided that I wanted different, so I became different. I could have easily used my childhood as a crutch and allowed it to cripple me. I could blame my failures and areas of lack on my upbringing but my drive, willpower and my spirit knows that I am supposed to be the change I wished I had. A crutch sounds like, “I can’t because…”, a lesson says “I will because…”. I honestly believe that the past should be left in the past and only brought up to testify how far you’ve come.

The past in relationships: In the last 3-4 years, I have had the same conversation with the same person over and over. It seems as though we can’t agree to disagree. I have not been in many committed relationships but the few that I have been in, I was never concerned about their past. I think that you should have a certain level of confidence to be able to not allow someone’s past to affect you. In that beginning stage of getting to know someone, I never liked to ask questions about their past and exes. I learned at an early age that how someone treated someone else, may not be the way they treat you. No two people are the same, therefore, results will always vary. Me finding out how you treated you ex or exes will only taint the person I know now. If as a teenager you were one way and I am meeting you as a 35 year old, why would I believe that you are that same person?

Is it necessary to tell your new partner about your past sexual partners? Like the actual number of people you’ve been with? How many times? The level of freakiness? I don’t believe it is necessary. I have met people who had 1 sexual partner before me and met people who had many before me. Am I entitled to know how many and how many times? I don’t believe so. I have made the mistake twice of telling men about my past partners and both times I wished I would have kept my mouth shut. I like to call myself an open book when meeting people. I am not ashamed of my past nor do I have any regrets so I have no problems telling my side of stories from my past. I believe that some men just can’t handle a woman who is open and make no excuses about her past and owning her decisions. We as women are allowed to have sex with other people before you come along. I digress. In short, don’t ask about someone’s past if you are going to park there. They don’t live there and if you have trouble moving on from THEIR past, you should just move on from THEIR life. SN: Your past is not limited to just your sex life.

Now, hear me and hear me clearly. The past is necessary because it has made you who you are. You should not be defined by your past but motivated by it. The past can also be subjective but I think that you have to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. What do you deem necessary to reveal? If you were once a serial killer, rapist, drug addict, in jail, a pedophile, the opposite sex, have a deadly disease, etc. those are things that I believe are necessary to share. Those aren’t the only things, just a few examples of the severity of what you should disclose to someone. We have all sinned and we all fall short daily but we can also be redeemed. We should not be anchored to our past because we can’t change what has already happened. We can only acknowledge the past, make better choices, do better and be different. Let the past fuel your future. You are worthy of a second chance.

Dear 2020,

Whew!!!! What a century this year has been. My bestie said that 2020 has been the longest shortest year. I remember 2016 being a year that was full of death and chaos but 2020 has taken on that title 100%. I know that at 12:01a on January 1st, 2021, things won’t automatically change for the best but I think everyone is hopeful and ready for a break. Anything can happen overnight but nothing happens overnight.

I think that 2020 genuinely was the push and the break that we all needed. As with any other year, there were wins and losses but this year, we (the world) collectively, were affected all at once. Let’s just break down 2020. Listen to the podcast episode here!

We took a huge hit in January with the tragic death of NBA legend Kobe Bryant, his daughter and 7 others on the helicopter. We barely made it through after trying to process such a great loss. I’m not even a basketball fan and his death took me by surprise and it was a reminder that life is short and to leave a print while you’re here. Life is for the living, live it!

Here comes February, the memorial service for Kobe and his daughter takes place and the United States is dealing with the impeachment of DT.

My favorite month ever March, marched right on in and added to the BS. While I was out of the country in Mexico, to celebrate myself and Toya’s birthday, the United States was going crazy. All we kept hearing about was how empty the stores were. Sanitizer, cleaning supplies and the toilet paper shortage. WHAT?!?!?! Corona Virus (COVID-19) had made it to the US in January but March was when the case numbers started to really increase. The pandemic officially started. The stock market crashed also. Quarantine lockdown began. Madness for sure ensued.

April was pretty much a blur, as we all were still adjusting to outside being closed. No restaurants were open for in house eating, no bars, long lines at stores and social distancing, limited capacity, curfews/early closing times for businesses and having to wear a mask in order to go any where. Americans received a stimulus check of $1,200 to help with the unfortunate effects of COVID-19.

May comes around and we hear that there are Killer Hornets that have made their way to the United States. Collectively the world wanted to fight. We could not take another blow. As 2020 would have it, she/he was not finished. Video footage of  multiple murders of innocent black men surfaced. Armaud Aubrey and George Floyd just to name a couple. Black Lives Matter in overdrive would be the theme for the next 6 or more months. There was unrest, protest, riots and racial tension. 

June comes in and footage from an incident months before surface and it was the slaughter, murder or killing of the beautiful Breonna Taylor. We were fed up. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

July, just like April, was a blur. 2020 wouldn’t let up.

August was filled with more protests. A little light shined on our part of the world when Kamala Harris was announced as Vice President Elect by Joe Biden. The first female and first black Vice President elect. Can’t have sunshine without a little rain. Chadwick Boseman passed away. Yep, our Black Panther, T’Challa died from colon cancer. His death, just like Kobe’s, reminded us that life is short and that you never know what battles others are fighting. He was diagnosed in 2016, and during this time, he starred in so many movies. He posted a picture a while back and he had visibly loss a lot of weight. Social media showed no mercy. Most hoped that the weight loss was for a movie role, others talked so badly about it. What showed most about him was his strength during a time when he was dying. No one knew and he gave his best performances.

In September, the world seemed to be opening back up. Not necessarily returning to normal, but outside was operating at about 75% capacity. Things were looking up, well, besides DT causing trouble before the upcoming election in November.

October slid by so fast, there was no time to cause trouble. We welcomed October, then it was Halloween. That’s it. No in between. LOL!

November’s BS started early because of election day. We all sat with bated breath because the election results were too close for comfort. Joe Biden won but DT was not going down without a fight. He screamed election fraud, voter fraud and every thing in between. Weeks later and after several recounts, we could finally breathe better knowing that there would be a new president come Jan 20th. A small beam of light to help us all cope before the second wave of COVID-19 would hit. Eighty year old Dionne Warwick joined twitter and let’s just say that she is giving us all a good bit of light. Alex Trebex, the Jeopardy legend, passed away from pancreatic cancer. 

December, a time for family, friends, joy, giving, hope and preparation for the new year. Daily record breaking new COVID-19 cases decided to be the theme. We were warned that this would happen in the colder months but we had so much hope that things were getting better. A vaccine was also released to help stop the spread of this virus that had killed hundreds of thousands of people. A vaccine that many people are skeptical about due to the short time that it took to create. Christmas was a success for most. Before the year was out, a second stimulus check of $600 started hitting accounts. DT tried to amend it and said that the American people deserved $2,000. That was denied. 

I tried to wrap up 3000 days in a few words so I didn’t touch on everything but we made it through, To those we loss this year, You are not forgotten. Rest peacefully! We are more than conquerors and 2020 gave us the strength we needed to give us what we prayed for in 2019. Thank you 2020! We can take it from here!

Peace out 2020!